Notes and Disclaimers: The following work is a fiction of my own creating. The characters, however, are copywrited by Tachiwaka Megumi and are owned by Kodansha and TMS, whom I would like to thank for the pleasure they have provided me.
by Stirling Twilight
Asuka Jr. dropped his head down on the desk, pounded it softly a few times, all the while fighting to remain silent. What he really wanted was to yell in frustration, or maybe howl. It was all the same. But Asuka Keiji was home tonight and so the young detective wanted to avoid any awkward questions. His face was screwed shut as he finally got his breathing under control. Did everyone go through this, he wondered? With a deep breath he sat up, spread his arms wide, and allowed the chair to fall backward onto the bed.
For a long time he lay there, staring at the ceiling. He willed his mind to stop its racing, but it didnt seem to be listening to him. From outside the door came the sounds of his father typing a report in his office down the hall. Asuka Jr. listened for another lengthy period before, in a sudden flash of inspiration, he rolled off the chair, set it upright at the desk, and flopped into it. He picked up the laptop, removed it from its case and set it on the desk.
Hed write her a letter! Nothing he would ever give her of course, but a missive letting her know everything. Well, maybe not everything, he thought with a smile, but mostly everything. He snapped on the desk lamp, flipped up the monitor and spent a moment collecting his thoughts where to start?
With a sudden resolve he began typing:
There is something Ive been wanting to ask you, for quite a while actually, and I dont know how to go about it, so I thought if I gave you a letter I could
"Spare myself," he whispered. He frowned at the screen, highlighted everything, hit backspace and started over.
I dont have the courage to ask you whats been on my mind for the past several months so Im taking the cowards path in writing you a letter youll never see. Maybe Ill find some hint of what I really want by putting my feelings out where I can see, review and delete them
He deleted them.
Do you know Im alive? That Id eat glass for you? Do you ever think of me? Do you ever say my name aloud when youre alone? Do you ever find the phone in your hand, not sure how it got there, but knowing that you have my number memorized? Do you know I get stupid around you? Do you know that I know your favorite food, color, book, movie, and class? When Sawatari looks at you I want to pull his eyes out! You drive me wild and I just dont know what
Asuka Jr. growled in frustration and pushed himself backward. Once again he lay on the bed, staring, while his mind was a quagmire of conflicting images. This was getting him nowhere. But, he added as an after thought, the letters were getting longer. He rolled clear of the chair, went to the kitchen for a drink of water and returned to the computer. Clearing the screen, he stilled his mind and gently placed his fingers on the keys.
I dont know how to start this, but if I keep typing Im sure Ill make sense eventually. You see, Ive wanted to ask you out on a date, and Im afraid too. Isnt that silly? But Im afraid because I dont know if you like me. If I ask you and you laugh in my face, I dont know what I would do. Does that make sense? Im not sure if it does to me either, but I want to tell you how I feel. How I feel about you, I mean.
Do you remember the night Saint Tail stole a wedding veil? Well, Saint Tail told me to look at the girl, the one whose veil it was, for the reason for the theft. To see what her feelings where. You see, I was so into catching Saint Tail that I wasnt looking around. I wasnt seeing anything but the chase. And then Sawatari tried to ask you out. (I was right outside the door the whole time, listening like a peeping tom or something.) As he was talking to you he made me realize that I did have another interest, one that was even more urgent than catching Saint Tail. It was you.
It is you.
Do you know I think youre lovely? I think youre the most beautiful girl Ive ever seen. Your hair is so prefect, your skin is gorgeous, and your smile goes through me like a knife. I make excuses just to be near you. Have you noticed? Have you noticed me at all?
What should I do? Should I call you? Should I talk to you at school? Will you laugh at me? Am I the type of guy you would go for? Should I change the way I dress? The way I
Asuka Jr. sat back with a sigh. A slow smile spread across his face and the softest giggle escaped him. He pulled open one of the desk drawers and took out a slim box. Opening it he removed a well-handled picture which he brought into the light. The smiling face of Haneoka Meimi, taken by Sawatari for the school newspaper, beamed up at him. He smiled at it, replaced it in the box and, turning off the laptop, rose to get ready for bed.